Stuck in a Rut... and some links to consider

I don't think there are any regular readers of this blog, but if you are one, you might have noticed that there have been less of late. We've been pretty busy with a lot, including some "stay-cation" time that did not afford the amount of free time we had anticipated! But we've also spent a lot of time recently talking about my issues and our marriage and it has not always been pretty. We've had some  heated conversations and some strong disagreement in our dialog, and we both have gotten a bit frustrated with each other and the current state of things. Sigh...

The basic disagreement is over expectations, and specifically, how much I can "get over" this other woman; how quickly; and in what way I accomplish that. Probably neither one of us is right in our perspective, but we both realize that our differences are getting in the way of moving forward. Further, we can "peek over the next hill" so to speak, and see that if we can just get out of our current rut, that we would be able to move ahead and make some serious progress towards putting this whole thing behind us. But in the meantime we just seem stuck -- two steps forward; one step back; one step forward; two steps back; and so on. It's not that we are not learning anything or growing at all -- we are -- but it doesn't seem to result in any real progress forward -- neither in my struggles nor in our relationship.

Early this week, I met with our pastor to catch him up with where we are, and what seems to be keeping me (and us) from moving forward. He had some good advice and encouragement, and wants to meet with both of us soon. We did arrange to meet with him tomorrow afternoon, and are praying that God will give him the wisdom to help us both see the way forward, and for us to humbly and graciously speak and listen. We are thankful for all that God has done already, but hungry for further progress, thirsty for a deep cleansing, and tired of looking back and being pulled back into our past again and again. And although we are getting along alright for the past few days, we know that we disagree underneath it all, and are anxious to be on the same page and pointing in the same direction.

During this time, I've come across a few articles and sermons and just wanted to share them with a quick note about them:

     An article by John Bloom entitled, "You Don't Have to Obey" gives an interesting illustration of what it is like to have a new life in Christ by the Spirit, but still have indwelling sin from our flesh. That, and some interesting explanation of how sin works and how to overcome it.  I strongly recommend this short article!

     A much longer 6-sermon series by John Piper from back in 2001 on a passage in Romans 7 was also very helpful in understanding flesh versus Spirit, and related concepts. Here is the first sermon (you can read or listen) and you can just hack the link to go all the way through part 6 if you want. For me, part 6 is the best, but that is perhaps because it summarizes the first 5 and gets to the main point that interested me. If you have struggled to understand the struggle in Romans 7, I highly recommend this. And I suggest listening, because you get not only some extra stuff added by John Piper when he was preaching, but you get to hear his heart; his passion; and his love for the Word and the people.

     And finally, a short article on sanctification entitled, "You Can Change! (Or Can You?)" by Tim Chester, which I also found very interesting and insightful. Oh, and it was written just a few days before the wheels really started in motion in the unfolding of our issues last May, which I found to be a kind-of cool "God thing."

Well, that about sums it up for now. I need to re-tool my weekly goal list, and perhaps get back to blogging more regularly. I just can't make it a priority when there are really important things going on here.

Thankful = Happy

Over the past several months, both Cherie and I have been thinking a lot about thankfulness, and seeing how it is such an important part of the Christian life. It seems to be an antidote to all sorts of things, but it also comes from somewhere, doesn't it?

Being thankful is something that the people mentioned in Romans 1:21 were not... "...Although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened." So, unthankfulness is associated with futile thoughts, with foolishness, darkness, and most of all, not giving God the glory due Him as God. At the root of thankfulness is a sense of humility, of not deserving what has been given, of respect for the giver. And since God is the giver of every good thing (see James 1:17), it is ultimately God that we are to be thankful to, for He is the original or ultimate Giver. We who know Christ as our Savior have all the more reason to be thankful, and can see by faith how we bring nothing to God and receive everything from Him.

There are a lot of verses exhorting us to give thanks, and a lot of examples of godly people who gave thanks. Here is one that is really clear, from 1 Thessalonians 5:18 -- "in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." This one strikes me because of two key phrases...

1. "in everything" -- that doesn't leave a whole lot of room for us not to be thankful, now does it? In the hard times of life, what are we tempted to be? We might be angry, or discouraged, or hurt, or disappointed, or jealous, or covetous, or indignant, or spiteful, or bitter, or a bunch of other things. They all point to selfishness or self-centeredness. How can we be any of those things while being thankful to God? We don't have God's blessing to be any of those things in any situation. He wants us to be thankful instead - to see by faith that God is good and is a giver, and is seeking our blessing even in difficulties.


2. "this is the will of God" -- God has a purpose for us personally, and it is that we be thankful. If we ever have any question about how we should respond to the circumstances or people we find ourselves facing, we look to this verse and see God's will clearly shown to us. When we are blessed beyond our expectations, we certainly know what to do - give thanks! God desires glory for Himself, and giving thanks to Him glorifies Him by acknowledging His goodness and our unworthiness of receiving good things from Him. And it takes faith - to see beyond our current perspective on our circumstances and believe that God does work all things together for good. So thankfulness is a matter of obedience, and we also see that it is "in Christ Jesus", which means we can only truly be thankful through Christ. The Spirit of God produces thankfulness in us. It fights against our flesh that would cause us to be unthankful and all of those other things in point 1 above.

So how does this relate to happiness? We know we cannot be happy apart from doing the will of God. We know we cannot be happy continuing to do our own will and ignoring God's will. We know that we will be happy when we make God happy, and that we cannot make God happy on our own, but only through the perfect work of Jesus for us at Calvary. The Spirit's work in us causes us to want to obey, and to glorify God, and enables us to do so. Giving thanks to God makes us more aware of how much we have been blessed, and how little we deserve it, which makes us happy.

As it applies to my own life, I see that unthankfuless goes hand-in-hand with my past coveting or lusting after other women. It also goes well with deceiving others - because I was not content with the truth about myself, and sought to twist it. Now, as God has changed my heart, I pursue the opposite things, and see that thankfulness is all tied up with those opposites! Being thankful for my wife causes me to pursue her and delight in her as a gift from God, and turn away from other women. I am thankful for the truth, for it set me free from the walls of deception I had built around myself that kept me enslaved to my lusts. Going to God with thanksgiving reminds me of my past sin and how undeserving I am of God's goodness, which provides needed humility. That humble thankfulness changes how I see others and look to them -- not with a proud sense of deserving their respect, but with a respect for them and a desire to learn from them and see God's grace at work in their lives. Thankfulness turns me away from self and sin, and towards God and others.

In closing, I am going to paraphrase Mark 9:24... Lord, I am thankful. Help my unthankfulness!